Apology

Heather Parsons

English 300- Survey of Literary Criticism

Apology Paper

November 23, 2008

I am not an English major. There was a point where I was one though. The turning point that turned me away from the path I was on to major in English literature was when I told my mother about my decision to switch from cell biology and neuroscience to English literature. I had already taken the necessary action to switch majors before I told my mother about my decision, probably because I knew in the back of my mind that she would not be pleased with the choice I had made. All through high school I has taken the advanced courses, AP Biology, AP Chemistry, and AP English. The only one that ever interested me was English, and although I passed all three classes, I never made it to either of the sciences very often, and when I did, I did my English “homework” (meaning I read.) I knew going into college that I wouldn’t be happy majoring in a science, but my mother and my school counselor convinced me otherwise. They both asked, “don’t you want to make money? And have a nice house? And nice things?” Of course I answered yes, but in my mind I was thinking, “No, what do I need money for if I can get everything I need from a ten dollar book?” At the time though, I did nothing to defend this thought because I was also thinking, “How am I going to turn my ten dollar book into a house and a car and money for bills, crap, I better major in science so I can get a good job.” I started college and flunked an entire semester’s worth of classes. Towards the end of the semester I began to realize that the reason I was failing wasn’t because I wasn’t capable of passing my classes, it was because I didn’t have any desire to pass them. I had no desire to learn chemistry formulas, or cell anatomy. What I really wanted to do was learn why I am here, why I exist. At this point I was dumbfounded. What could I major in that would give me all of the answers and a good paycheck? So, I joined the Army, which still provides my good paycheck, and that left me free to major in what I chose. So, I of course, chose English. Which brings me back to the conversation I had with my mother about being an English Major. It went something like, “Hello, mom, I have something to tell you. I have changed my major.” She replied, hesitantly, “To what? Why would you not want to be a doctor? Or at the very least a nurse?” So, I made an effort to explain my reasoning, “Well, I really enjoyed English in high school and I know you don’t think it will get me what I want in life, but how do you know what I want in life? I want to learn EVERYTHING, and in any other major, I can’t do that, in every other major I have to learn something specific. In English I can read books about all subjects, most importantly the subject of life, even if the subject isn’t specifically life, any subject in literature can be applied to life. With a degree in a science I have to learn one subject specifically, and that would not stimulate my mind.” To this my mother replied, “But you’re so good at science. Why would you waste such talent on literature?” By this point I had very little left to defend myself with. Obviously my mother did not understand my desire to be an English major, even if I could have been a teacher.

So, as I have already said, I am not majoring in English literature, eventually my mother won the argument and, only to spite her, I changed my major to art, which also didn’t work out. I have now settled on a science, after a brief stunt in the liberal studies department, and that science is psychology. Obviously I am still trying to spite my mother, psychology being the science most intertwined with literature, not to mention the youngest and hardest to obtain a decent job in.

My desire to stay connected with the conscious literary world though, has kept me in English classes throughout my college career. I say conscious literary world because, although literature affects all college departments and beyond, that is, it affects everyone, many people lack the ability to observe the literature that surrounds them. It is contained in the textbooks they read, the papers they write, the media that surrounds them, the music they listen to, and the words they speak. They unconsciously absorb as much literature in one day as is contained in a short novel, and they are unaware that they have learned anything at all. Many have become as close to a robot as a human can become. Each day they absorb massive amounts of knowledge and although they have the capability of making themselves conscious of this information and the literature that surrounds them, they are content to let it slip through their minds, hardly aware that it was ever there, unable to recall it at the end of the day. By being present in a literature class I feel that I have made it very hard for myself to become one of these people who do not notice literature all around them, but it does not take a literature class for one to be aware of literature. All it takes is the ability to recognize when it is happening, when a literary moment has surrounded one, when suddenly something that has eluded one for so long becomes clear, usually something that a person didn’t even know was eluding them, and to then connect each of these moments, these things learned, to one another, to make sense of all of them and to find out what they mean. That is the way to be conscious of the literature surrounding one, and in the process, to learn everything.

How does one live without literature? In a day we have the ability to fight giants with Don Quixote, or to fight wars and travel through space with Billy Pilgrim, or to learn about Stalinism with Old Major. To be able to live in every century including those that have never been lived. To enjoy didactic novels, and also those that provide nothing but beauty to our lives.

My apology is not for literature, or for poetry. Literature and poetry have done nothing to anyone but to provide them with answers and to entertain their minds, to brighten their worlds and enlighten their minds. My apology is to those who cannot understand how to use the information provided to them everyday, not to mention the information they would have to search for. Poetry and literature can only do great things for people who make the effort to use the knowledge and power they are capable of providing. What I am most sorry for though, is that I did not believe in literature, that I opted to not major in English literature and that I almost lost the ability to see the world from a literary point of view.